1 00:00:00,703 --> 00:00:02,990 No, I can't just gloss over 2 00:00:03,015 --> 00:00:04,935 the fact that you're in a hospital, I'm sorry. 3 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:05,991 PENNY [OVER PHONE]: I just had a little something 4 00:00:06,015 --> 00:00:07,131 done on my private parts. 5 00:00:07,156 --> 00:00:08,584 See if I still have any. 6 00:00:08,609 --> 00:00:09,975 Was this planned? 7 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,146 PENNY: Of course. 8 00:00:11,170 --> 00:00:12,857 Well, why didn't you tell me about it? 9 00:00:12,882 --> 00:00:14,602 PENNY: Why would I do that? You're not here. 10 00:00:15,540 --> 00:00:17,185 Ugh! Just tell me what's wrong. 11 00:00:17,210 --> 00:00:18,225 PENNY: Oh, who knows. 12 00:00:18,250 --> 00:00:19,748 They removed some bits and bobs. 13 00:00:19,773 --> 00:00:21,147 Honestly, I wasn't that interested. 14 00:00:21,171 --> 00:00:22,607 Better to wither away. 15 00:00:22,632 --> 00:00:25,365 No, no. Don't wither. I'm here. 16 00:00:25,390 --> 00:00:27,206 PENNY: You're not here at all. You're there. 17 00:00:27,231 --> 00:00:28,497 Why would I bother you? 18 00:00:28,522 --> 00:00:30,408 [LINE RINGING OVER LAPTOP] 19 00:00:30,433 --> 00:00:32,412 - Is it ringing? - PENNY: Yes, sure. 20 00:00:32,906 --> 00:00:34,701 Oh, here she is! 21 00:00:34,726 --> 00:00:37,232 - Look! - What's this for? 22 00:00:37,257 --> 00:00:38,310 I've put you on the TV. 23 00:00:38,335 --> 00:00:39,866 I'm gonna keep you on the screen all day. 24 00:00:39,890 --> 00:00:41,486 - Oh, no, no. No. -Yes. 25 00:00:41,511 --> 00:00:42,818 - Don't do that. - Yes! 26 00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:45,015 - Yes! - I'll be looming over everyone. 27 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,040 Ugh! 28 00:00:46,065 --> 00:00:47,756 The girls really don't need to see this. 29 00:00:47,781 --> 00:00:49,281 The end times. 30 00:00:51,687 --> 00:00:54,287 - It's not serious? - No. Mm-mmm. 31 00:00:54,353 --> 00:00:57,725 Well, it's either nothing or you got stage four cancer. 32 00:00:57,750 --> 00:00:58,936 You'd behave the same either way. 33 00:00:58,960 --> 00:00:59,976 [LAUGHS] 34 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:02,306 Cancer. Brr. No. 35 00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:03,418 We're not cancer types. 36 00:01:03,443 --> 00:01:05,114 Dad died of cancer. 37 00:01:05,139 --> 00:01:06,266 Hmm. 38 00:01:06,291 --> 00:01:07,473 Not in my bloodline. 39 00:01:07,498 --> 00:01:09,580 [LAUGHING] 40 00:01:10,790 --> 00:01:12,310 [SIGHS] 41 00:01:13,404 --> 00:01:18,240 Synced and corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com 42 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:21,170 Who brought you the flowers? 43 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:24,342 The flowers? Oh, Malcolm. 44 00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:26,095 - Malcolm? - Hmm. 45 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,020 You told Malcolm about the operation but not me? 46 00:01:28,045 --> 00:01:30,356 Well, yes, because he comes to visit me. 47 00:01:30,380 --> 00:01:32,131 He's over here all the time. 48 00:01:32,310 --> 00:01:34,106 He thinks we're still together actually. 49 00:01:34,131 --> 00:01:36,055 I keep telling him! 50 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:37,803 The thing is I just don't know 51 00:01:37,828 --> 00:01:39,690 when I'm gonna get sex that's this good again. 52 00:01:39,715 --> 00:01:41,901 Maybe that's why he thinks you're still together. 53 00:01:41,926 --> 00:01:43,533 I don't know what he's thinking. I don't ask. 54 00:01:43,557 --> 00:01:44,686 - [LARRY BARKS] - [DOOR OPENS] 55 00:01:44,710 --> 00:01:46,356 - [GIRLS CHATTERING] - - Oh, here they come. 56 00:01:46,380 --> 00:01:47,856 I really don't think they need to look at this. 57 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:50,976 Please just show some interest in the girls. Please! 58 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,128 Why? Are they interesting? 59 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:53,357 Yes. 60 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,082 Yeah, I'm the king of the cool after school hang out place. 61 00:01:57,107 --> 00:01:58,102 You're just the guy who always 62 00:01:58,126 --> 00:01:59,129 - says yes. - Whatever. 63 00:01:59,154 --> 00:02:01,356 - Oh, honey, what is this? - Duke. 64 00:02:01,380 --> 00:02:03,306 I know I'm not allowed to touch him. I know the rules. 65 00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:04,556 But does he know the rules, 66 00:02:04,580 --> 00:02:05,596 or does he think I don't love him? 67 00:02:05,620 --> 00:02:07,082 You can touch him, he loves pats. 68 00:02:07,107 --> 00:02:09,225 [GASPS] Oh, thank God. 69 00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:11,185 Oh, my God, this is so good. 70 00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,262 It feels so naughty. 71 00:02:12,287 --> 00:02:13,881 It's like forbidden love. 72 00:02:13,906 --> 00:02:15,553 - This is Drea. - Hello, Drea. 73 00:02:15,578 --> 00:02:17,309 - Hello. - Hello, human. 74 00:02:17,334 --> 00:02:19,334 - [GASPS] - So we got stuff to do, so... 75 00:02:19,359 --> 00:02:21,951 NICHOLAS: Yeah, go forward with your big, interesting lives. 76 00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:23,226 Yes. 77 00:02:23,251 --> 00:02:24,701 Yeah, hello. 78 00:02:25,463 --> 00:02:27,295 We're best friends. 79 00:02:28,723 --> 00:02:30,305 Why is there a woman on the screen? 80 00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:31,856 Oh. Hey, Penny. 81 00:02:31,881 --> 00:02:34,295 Well, line up. Let me have a look at you. 82 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,895 Ooh, who's that on the end? 83 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,766 Uh, Barb. 84 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,580 Oh. [LAUGHS] 85 00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,387 Oh, is there a dog? 86 00:02:44,412 --> 00:02:46,223 My assistance dog, Duke. 87 00:02:46,248 --> 00:02:47,788 Hmm. What's that for? 88 00:02:47,813 --> 00:02:49,023 Anxiety. 89 00:02:49,553 --> 00:02:51,225 Oh, dear. 90 00:02:51,250 --> 00:02:53,935 You know what we got for our anxiety when we were kids? 91 00:02:54,412 --> 00:02:55,766 Nothing. [LAUGHS] 92 00:02:55,790 --> 00:02:57,726 MATILDA: This is the most important night of my life, 93 00:02:57,750 --> 00:02:59,545 I need some quiet! 94 00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:01,516 - What's happening? - She asked me to keep it 95 00:03:01,541 --> 00:03:02,710 a secret from all of you, 96 00:03:02,735 --> 00:03:04,501 which I find irrational. 97 00:03:04,526 --> 00:03:05,788 Why is no one telling me anything? 98 00:03:05,812 --> 00:03:07,663 I write the checks around here. 99 00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,609 Drea is the only person I've chosen to tell. 100 00:03:09,634 --> 00:03:11,856 Sweetheart, in the end, no one's interested. 101 00:03:11,881 --> 00:03:14,015 I won't have it pried out of me. 102 00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:15,935 You're lucky having Nicholas with you. 103 00:03:16,843 --> 00:03:18,436 Uh... 104 00:03:18,460 --> 00:03:22,013 I hope you get better soon, um... 105 00:03:22,038 --> 00:03:25,257 and, uh, you look, you look great. 106 00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,970 Terrible drought. 107 00:03:28,299 --> 00:03:30,226 The farmers are really feeling it. 108 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,710 Nothing. 109 00:03:32,770 --> 00:03:34,115 It's not midnight yet. 110 00:03:34,140 --> 00:03:35,896 If you can't be helpful, I don't need you here. 111 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,123 Matilda, honey. Honey. 112 00:03:38,148 --> 00:03:40,226 I asked her here for moral support. 113 00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:41,802 I'm delighted to be here. 114 00:03:41,827 --> 00:03:43,677 Guys, I need everyone to stand very still. 115 00:03:43,702 --> 00:03:45,030 - Wh... Why? - I've lost Sapphire. 116 00:03:45,055 --> 00:03:46,122 One of my beetles. 117 00:03:46,147 --> 00:03:47,933 Okay. All right. 118 00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:50,476 They like to hide under things. Look under things. 119 00:03:50,501 --> 00:03:52,843 - Why do we own so many things? - [DOORBELL DINGS] 120 00:03:53,976 --> 00:03:55,271 Where are you going now? 121 00:03:55,296 --> 00:03:57,655 Where am I going? I'm the one in charge. 122 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:00,655 We need to get out of this life. 123 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:03,015 I live with my parents. There's nowhere to go. 124 00:04:10,914 --> 00:04:12,310 Who are we avoiding? 125 00:04:12,335 --> 00:04:14,115 There's just some dark shit going on. 126 00:04:14,140 --> 00:04:15,436 And you're gonna keep me in here? 127 00:04:15,460 --> 00:04:17,257 I'll visit from time to time. 128 00:04:17,921 --> 00:04:21,015 Wait, I feel like we need to talk about Mexico. 129 00:04:21,412 --> 00:04:22,798 No. 130 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:24,451 Absolutely not. 131 00:04:24,476 --> 00:04:26,209 Also, you're about to meet my mum. 132 00:04:26,234 --> 00:04:27,459 - What? - Yeah. 133 00:04:27,484 --> 00:04:29,855 - Very dim life line. - How dim? 134 00:04:29,880 --> 00:04:31,365 You're not having any children. 135 00:04:31,390 --> 00:04:32,686 Watch where you step, I lost Sapphire. 136 00:04:32,710 --> 00:04:33,936 You lost one of your beetles? 137 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,304 She has a name! 138 00:04:36,968 --> 00:04:38,724 - There. - Hi, Mom. 139 00:04:38,749 --> 00:04:39,945 Hot or not? 140 00:04:40,234 --> 00:04:41,726 Hot or not? You heard him. 141 00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:43,090 I'm sorry. Hot. 142 00:04:43,115 --> 00:04:44,115 Girls? 143 00:04:44,140 --> 00:04:45,724 - Um, hot. - Hot. 144 00:04:45,749 --> 00:04:47,513 Oh, you should see me live. 145 00:04:47,538 --> 00:04:49,045 [LAUGHS] 146 00:04:49,070 --> 00:04:50,216 Now who's this? 147 00:04:50,241 --> 00:04:53,045 - Don't start. You know who this is. - How dim? 148 00:04:53,070 --> 00:04:55,208 - Oh! - [ALEX LAUGHS] 149 00:04:55,233 --> 00:04:57,294 You know what I find so interesting, Alex? 150 00:04:57,319 --> 00:04:59,217 - Hmm? - How the gays pair up. 151 00:04:59,242 --> 00:05:00,266 I'm sorry? 152 00:05:00,290 --> 00:05:02,356 How you sort yourselves out. 153 00:05:02,380 --> 00:05:04,356 One of you is tall, the other one's short. 154 00:05:04,380 --> 00:05:06,223 One's wealthy, the other one's young. 155 00:05:06,248 --> 00:05:07,678 Do you guys wanna go to my room? 156 00:05:07,703 --> 00:05:09,153 I'm not leaving here ever. 157 00:05:09,178 --> 00:05:10,981 Wait, I'm the short, broke one. 158 00:05:11,006 --> 00:05:12,326 What's your secret weapon then? 159 00:05:12,351 --> 00:05:14,741 - I have a bigger penis. - [LAUGHING] 160 00:05:16,210 --> 00:05:17,551 Oh, I'm very happy to hear that. 161 00:05:17,576 --> 00:05:19,809 - [BOTH LAUGHING] - Oh, that's wonderful. 162 00:05:19,834 --> 00:05:21,476 This is awesome. 163 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:24,080 [CELL PHONE VIBRATING] 164 00:05:26,338 --> 00:05:30,248 _ 165 00:05:31,412 --> 00:05:32,501 Hello, Linda. 166 00:05:32,526 --> 00:05:34,056 LINDA [OVER PHONE]: Hi. Um, have you seen Barb? 167 00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:35,686 I'm just, I'm a little worried 168 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:36,806 - because we had a fight. -That stings. 169 00:05:36,830 --> 00:05:39,536 - Okay, my turn. - Eh... Oh, that's not good. 170 00:05:39,561 --> 00:05:41,497 LINDA: Yeah, it was a whopper. 171 00:05:41,522 --> 00:05:43,223 And I just, I haven't heard from her. 172 00:05:43,248 --> 00:05:46,223 - I mean, I'm sure she's fine. - Yeah. 173 00:05:46,248 --> 00:05:47,864 LINDA: But I just, um... 174 00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:49,778 [SIGHS] I don't know, I... 175 00:05:49,803 --> 00:05:52,356 To be honest, I raised my voice. 176 00:05:52,380 --> 00:05:54,309 - [SIGHS] There. - Uh, yeah. 177 00:05:54,334 --> 00:05:55,997 No, I haven't seen her, 178 00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,287 but no one's still come home yet. Maybe she's with the girls. 179 00:05:58,311 --> 00:05:59,686 LINDA: Okay. Yeah, okay. 180 00:05:59,928 --> 00:06:02,015 - Thanks. [LINDA SIGHS] - Okay. 181 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,710 [LAUGHTER] 182 00:06:05,790 --> 00:06:07,911 Why is everyone just lounging around 183 00:06:07,936 --> 00:06:08,998 with Sapphire on the run? 184 00:06:09,023 --> 00:06:10,904 - I'm looking. - You sit here now. 185 00:06:10,929 --> 00:06:12,896 Sit here. Go. 186 00:06:13,975 --> 00:06:17,020 So, I just got off the phone to your mother. 187 00:06:17,045 --> 00:06:19,061 You didn't tell her I'm here, did you? 188 00:06:19,086 --> 00:06:20,747 No, I didn't tell her you're here. 189 00:06:20,772 --> 00:06:22,927 I don't know why. What is going on? 190 00:06:23,460 --> 00:06:27,192 Linda and I have had a difference of opinion. 191 00:06:27,217 --> 00:06:30,103 You did something. What did you do? 192 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,604 No, don't answer that. 193 00:06:31,629 --> 00:06:32,742 I do not want to know. 194 00:06:32,767 --> 00:06:33,794 I need you to call her. 195 00:06:33,819 --> 00:06:35,231 I will not be brought down by this. 196 00:06:35,256 --> 00:06:36,786 Parenting is just constantly dealing 197 00:06:36,811 --> 00:06:38,161 with nothing interesting. 198 00:06:38,186 --> 00:06:40,112 The problem is that you're a pushover. 199 00:06:40,136 --> 00:06:41,434 You've always been like that. 200 00:06:41,459 --> 00:06:43,294 I used to walk all over you. 201 00:06:44,010 --> 00:06:46,161 Honey, you gotta tell me what's going on. 202 00:06:46,186 --> 00:06:48,473 You're starting to look a little unhinged. 203 00:06:49,136 --> 00:06:50,452 [SIGHS] By midnight tonight, 204 00:06:50,476 --> 00:06:51,873 I'll find out if I got into Juilliard. 205 00:06:51,897 --> 00:06:54,098 Oh, my God, that's... That's big, babe. 206 00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:55,769 That's like... That's huge. 207 00:06:55,794 --> 00:06:58,510 Her whole life forks between success and obscurity. 208 00:06:58,535 --> 00:07:02,528 - How didn't I know about this? - Nicholas, can we talk? 209 00:07:02,697 --> 00:07:04,383 Why, did you find Sapphire? 210 00:07:04,408 --> 00:07:05,872 - No. - No, of course you didn't 211 00:07:05,897 --> 00:07:07,154 'cause you haven't been looking. 212 00:07:07,178 --> 00:07:08,945 She's not gonna come over and introduce herself. 213 00:07:08,969 --> 00:07:10,669 She's a beetle! 214 00:07:11,374 --> 00:07:13,278 I know what this is about. 215 00:07:13,765 --> 00:07:15,052 Barb has to go. 216 00:07:15,077 --> 00:07:17,544 Nicholas, have you thought this through? 217 00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:20,176 I really don't think I have. 218 00:07:20,201 --> 00:07:23,372 Matilda is not getting in to Juilliard. 219 00:07:26,466 --> 00:07:29,083 Yeah, she is. She's so good. 220 00:07:29,516 --> 00:07:31,778 Matilda's not getting into Juilliard. 221 00:07:31,803 --> 00:07:33,818 She's not getting in? Why is she not getting in? 222 00:07:33,843 --> 00:07:35,982 Nobody gets in. 223 00:07:36,327 --> 00:07:37,843 Because nobody gets in. 224 00:07:37,868 --> 00:07:39,645 And everybody applies. 225 00:07:39,670 --> 00:07:40,776 And everybody applies. 226 00:07:40,801 --> 00:07:42,380 There's a house full of people 227 00:07:42,405 --> 00:07:44,511 ready to watch her have a full-blown meltdown 228 00:07:44,536 --> 00:07:46,222 when she finds out. 229 00:07:46,247 --> 00:07:47,786 I have to get rid of them. 230 00:07:48,311 --> 00:07:49,997 - You can't. - No? 231 00:07:50,022 --> 00:07:51,432 No, it's too late. 232 00:07:56,011 --> 00:07:58,919 I'm just looking at you hoping you'll tell me what to do. 233 00:07:59,802 --> 00:08:02,437 - I'll distract them. - Okay. 234 00:08:03,458 --> 00:08:04,622 We could be wrong about this. 235 00:08:04,647 --> 00:08:06,322 She could end up beating the odds getting in 236 00:08:06,346 --> 00:08:07,936 and then giving a TED Talk. 237 00:08:08,658 --> 00:08:09,989 [SIGHS] 238 00:08:11,313 --> 00:08:13,341 We could be wrong about this. 239 00:08:15,378 --> 00:08:17,466 [ALEX LAUGHING] 240 00:08:17,491 --> 00:08:19,871 ALEX: You know what? Nicholas doesn't let me touch his hair. 241 00:08:19,896 --> 00:08:21,782 He's right not to. It's unstable. 242 00:08:21,806 --> 00:08:23,817 [GASPS] That must be why he hates when I pull it. 243 00:08:23,842 --> 00:08:26,112 No, don't do that. That hair cost me a fortune. 244 00:08:26,137 --> 00:08:27,952 - Oh. - PENNY: Hair transplant. 245 00:08:27,976 --> 00:08:30,032 [LAUGHING] 246 00:08:30,056 --> 00:08:32,950 Yes. Twice. Mm-hmm. 247 00:08:37,947 --> 00:08:40,013 I'm in the dressing room getting fitted for a bra 248 00:08:40,038 --> 00:08:41,512 when I hear the lady tell my mom 249 00:08:41,537 --> 00:08:43,763 that they "don't have anything in her size" 250 00:08:43,788 --> 00:08:46,146 and we should "try our luck online." 251 00:08:46,171 --> 00:08:47,833 Oh, no. 252 00:08:47,858 --> 00:08:51,111 So I swiped something to get vengeance on her behalf. 253 00:08:51,136 --> 00:08:53,036 A white lace teddy. 254 00:08:53,061 --> 00:08:56,450 Now Linda wants me to return it and, like, go to jail. 255 00:08:56,475 --> 00:08:58,864 You expect us to believe that you stole that teddy 256 00:08:58,889 --> 00:09:01,981 out of some sort of vigilante justice? 257 00:09:02,321 --> 00:09:03,911 Don't be ridiculous. 258 00:09:03,936 --> 00:09:05,325 You stole it for yourself. 259 00:09:05,350 --> 00:09:07,294 Uh, guys? 260 00:09:07,319 --> 00:09:08,739 What's a teddy? 261 00:09:08,764 --> 00:09:10,820 It's a sexy somethin', somethin' 262 00:09:10,845 --> 00:09:12,755 you'd wear on your honeymoon. 263 00:09:12,780 --> 00:09:14,216 Oh! 264 00:09:14,476 --> 00:09:16,912 GENEVIEVE: Who did you think you were gonna be with that teddy? 265 00:09:16,936 --> 00:09:19,032 I was just gonna stand around in it. 266 00:09:19,056 --> 00:09:20,973 Teddies are not meant to be worn. 267 00:09:20,998 --> 00:09:22,724 They're meant to be peeled off. 268 00:09:22,749 --> 00:09:23,911 Huh. 269 00:09:24,303 --> 00:09:26,247 Wait, is that why you're on the run? 270 00:09:28,062 --> 00:09:31,308 [SIGHS] Linda needs a lover. Or a horse. 271 00:09:31,333 --> 00:09:32,872 She has my dad. 272 00:09:32,896 --> 00:09:35,724 We need to give Linda bigger problems. 273 00:09:35,749 --> 00:09:37,765 We should catfish her. 274 00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:40,491 That way she'll be distracted by her new lover 275 00:09:40,516 --> 00:09:41,942 and leave you alone. 276 00:09:43,137 --> 00:09:44,675 Did you guys not hear me? 277 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:45,920 Yeah, we heard you. We're here. 278 00:09:45,944 --> 00:09:48,739 I'm just trying to come to terms with your proposal. 279 00:09:48,931 --> 00:09:50,451 We need to catfish her. 280 00:09:50,476 --> 00:09:52,130 I just don't know why we would. 281 00:09:52,155 --> 00:09:53,809 Well, why would you catfish anyone? 282 00:09:53,834 --> 00:09:55,451 'Cause, like, when they're Barb's mom, 283 00:09:55,476 --> 00:09:57,096 they just, like, have to be catfished. 284 00:09:58,543 --> 00:10:00,856 Like it or not, this is happening. 285 00:10:02,085 --> 00:10:03,505 Oh, my. 286 00:10:03,530 --> 00:10:05,716 - Am I gonna die? - We all die. 287 00:10:05,741 --> 00:10:07,797 You're gonna have a torrid affair. 288 00:10:07,822 --> 00:10:09,137 Only one? 289 00:10:09,865 --> 00:10:11,741 Where did you get torrid from? 290 00:10:11,766 --> 00:10:13,242 My intuition. 291 00:10:13,266 --> 00:10:14,583 Okay. 292 00:10:14,874 --> 00:10:16,600 - Matilda, babe? - Hmm? 293 00:10:16,625 --> 00:10:18,310 Is there something you and Drea can do together? 294 00:10:18,334 --> 00:10:19,821 I'd be open to that. 295 00:10:19,846 --> 00:10:22,458 No, I can't, not now. 296 00:10:24,896 --> 00:10:27,144 Barb, what does your mom look for in a man? 297 00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:28,202 Help me. 298 00:10:28,226 --> 00:10:30,755 I think we both know I can't stop this train. 299 00:10:30,780 --> 00:10:32,926 TELLULAH: Be a "yes" person, Barb. 300 00:10:33,186 --> 00:10:34,912 I literally do this all the time. 301 00:10:34,936 --> 00:10:36,242 What are her interests? 302 00:10:36,266 --> 00:10:38,492 Wine, and going to Cabo. 303 00:10:38,516 --> 00:10:40,144 Got it. She's basic. 304 00:10:40,169 --> 00:10:41,669 [CHUCKLES] 305 00:10:41,694 --> 00:10:45,403 Ladies, meet Johan. 306 00:10:45,544 --> 00:10:47,412 I'd really rather not. 307 00:10:47,436 --> 00:10:50,058 Guys, this is my mom! 308 00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:51,208 Barb. 309 00:10:51,655 --> 00:10:53,105 If Linda's distracted, 310 00:10:53,130 --> 00:10:55,989 she will leave you and your teddy alone. 311 00:10:57,415 --> 00:10:59,281 What else does she like? 312 00:10:59,306 --> 00:11:00,598 Well... 313 00:11:00,623 --> 00:11:03,825 she writes Harry Potter fan fiction. 314 00:11:03,850 --> 00:11:06,075 No one's supposed to know that. 315 00:11:06,420 --> 00:11:07,661 Got it. 316 00:11:07,686 --> 00:11:10,372 Johan, the Harry Potter fan. 317 00:11:10,397 --> 00:11:12,235 You're not really gonna really send this, are you? 318 00:11:12,259 --> 00:11:13,912 - Already did. - [CELL PHONE CHIMES] 319 00:11:13,937 --> 00:11:15,532 GENEVIEVE: What do we do now? 320 00:11:15,557 --> 00:11:17,083 We wait. 321 00:11:17,986 --> 00:11:20,300 Sorry, could we get back to Linda writing fan fiction? 322 00:11:20,325 --> 00:11:22,800 - Oh, yeah. - It's actually erotica. 323 00:11:22,825 --> 00:11:25,317 - Oh. - My dad travels a lot. 324 00:11:25,342 --> 00:11:26,667 How'd you find out? 325 00:11:26,692 --> 00:11:29,742 On her computer. When I was ten. 326 00:11:29,766 --> 00:11:31,572 It kind of ruined Harry Potter for me. 327 00:11:31,596 --> 00:11:33,702 But, like, also sex. 328 00:11:33,726 --> 00:11:36,522 Yeah, it's not been an easy life. 329 00:11:36,547 --> 00:11:37,547 [CELL PHONE CHIMES] 330 00:11:40,806 --> 00:11:42,410 - She accepted. - [GASPS] 331 00:11:42,435 --> 00:11:43,645 Oh, my God. 332 00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,356 When it comes to men, I like the mean ones, 333 00:11:46,381 --> 00:11:47,756 - I've always been like that. - Hmm, yeah. 334 00:11:47,780 --> 00:11:49,047 The bad boys, yeah. 335 00:11:49,072 --> 00:11:50,468 Mm-hmm. And if that's your fate, 336 00:11:50,493 --> 00:11:52,145 then you just have to accept it. 337 00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:55,325 Nicholas' father he acted like a really nice guy but... 338 00:11:55,350 --> 00:11:58,442 oh, he was mean as a cut snake, and I loved it. 339 00:11:58,467 --> 00:12:00,802 [BOTH LAUGH] 340 00:12:00,827 --> 00:12:02,255 Is Nicholas like his dad? 341 00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,137 He does look a bit like him but slightly melted. 342 00:12:04,161 --> 00:12:05,434 He lacks the symmetry. 343 00:12:05,459 --> 00:12:08,750 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I can hear you. 344 00:12:08,775 --> 00:12:10,943 Well, I didn't know if you were in the room or not, so... 345 00:12:10,967 --> 00:12:12,083 [ALEX CHUCKLES] 346 00:12:12,108 --> 00:12:14,098 Let's be on my side. 347 00:12:14,123 --> 00:12:15,333 And I am, darling. 348 00:12:15,358 --> 00:12:17,512 I don't think Johan would say that. 349 00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:20,012 Johan will say what I tell him to say. 350 00:12:20,887 --> 00:12:22,410 What's her favorite character? 351 00:12:22,435 --> 00:12:23,559 Draco Malfoy. 352 00:12:23,584 --> 00:12:24,720 What a curve ball. 353 00:12:24,745 --> 00:12:26,825 Sometimes I like to dress up 354 00:12:26,850 --> 00:12:28,620 as Draco Malfoy. 355 00:12:28,645 --> 00:12:30,239 She's gonna know it's me. 356 00:12:30,264 --> 00:12:32,080 [GASPS] She's writing more. 357 00:12:32,105 --> 00:12:33,331 [CELL PHONE CHIMES] 358 00:12:33,355 --> 00:12:35,575 - "So do I"? - Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Wait. 359 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,708 Your mom dresses up as Draco Malfoy? 360 00:12:37,733 --> 00:12:38,869 To Comic Con. 361 00:12:38,894 --> 00:12:41,580 Honestly, I am this close to loving Linda. 362 00:12:41,605 --> 00:12:47,126 Sometimes I wonder if Draco is a homosexual. 363 00:12:47,151 --> 00:12:48,455 So does she! 364 00:12:49,514 --> 00:12:51,165 [GIRLS LAUGHING] 365 00:12:52,081 --> 00:12:53,783 I wanna be laughing. 366 00:12:55,877 --> 00:12:58,103 What is it? What is it? What is it? 367 00:12:59,475 --> 00:13:01,015 No, what is it? 368 00:13:01,682 --> 00:13:03,330 What fresh hell are you up to? 369 00:13:03,355 --> 00:13:05,573 - It's private. - We're on the Internet, it's nothing. 370 00:13:05,598 --> 00:13:06,651 Yeah. 371 00:13:06,676 --> 00:13:08,503 No. Barb, what is it? 372 00:13:09,084 --> 00:13:10,643 [WHISPERING]: Don't you dare. 373 00:13:10,668 --> 00:13:12,417 Barb, give it to me. 374 00:13:12,442 --> 00:13:13,776 Give it to me. 375 00:13:13,801 --> 00:13:14,907 Give it to me. 376 00:13:14,932 --> 00:13:16,331 We're catfishing my mom. 377 00:13:16,356 --> 00:13:18,042 Oh, my God. 378 00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:20,923 - In what way? - The standard way. 379 00:13:20,948 --> 00:13:23,370 Pretending to be a gay Draco Malfoy 380 00:13:23,395 --> 00:13:25,143 who's ready to get down. 381 00:13:25,168 --> 00:13:26,934 NICHOLAS: No! 382 00:13:26,959 --> 00:13:28,308 How is this helpful? 383 00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:29,703 It's no big deal. 384 00:13:31,235 --> 00:13:33,251 [SIGHS] Okay. 385 00:13:33,556 --> 00:13:34,854 Did she reply? 386 00:13:34,879 --> 00:13:37,155 She wants to meet up right away. 387 00:13:37,180 --> 00:13:39,370 Linda's been very responsive. 388 00:13:39,395 --> 00:13:40,948 [GIRLS SNICKERING] 389 00:13:40,973 --> 00:13:42,926 No, no, no, no. This is... This is... This is... This is... 390 00:13:42,950 --> 00:13:44,675 I am disappointed. 391 00:13:44,700 --> 00:13:45,862 I am. 392 00:13:45,887 --> 00:13:47,329 And I'm very mad. 393 00:13:47,354 --> 00:13:48,667 And... 394 00:13:49,033 --> 00:13:50,799 And I appreciate that it's not matching 395 00:13:50,824 --> 00:13:53,450 with my tone of my voice. But why did I lie for you? 396 00:13:53,475 --> 00:13:55,659 That was a ni... That was a nice thing I did, Barb, 397 00:13:55,684 --> 00:13:57,245 and you've turned around 398 00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,409 and you've catfished your own mother. 399 00:14:02,589 --> 00:14:05,292 Just really needed you guys 400 00:14:05,317 --> 00:14:07,651 to not be little mongrels tonight. 401 00:14:07,676 --> 00:14:09,222 And you went and... 402 00:14:09,995 --> 00:14:11,581 You need to be punished. 403 00:14:11,606 --> 00:14:12,909 You've lost... 404 00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:15,222 You've lost bedroom privileges. 405 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:18,831 Also... 406 00:14:19,645 --> 00:14:22,315 You need to get yelled at, you're gonna get yelled at. 407 00:14:22,340 --> 00:14:23,776 Is this you doing that? 408 00:14:23,801 --> 00:14:24,847 Yes. 409 00:14:24,872 --> 00:14:26,636 And it's not great. 410 00:14:27,393 --> 00:14:28,739 Get up. 411 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,104 Let's go. Mum? 412 00:14:31,129 --> 00:14:32,995 I need you to get mad for me. 413 00:14:33,020 --> 00:14:34,487 I was catfished once. 414 00:14:34,519 --> 00:14:36,080 It was humiliating. 415 00:14:36,105 --> 00:14:37,854 He told me that he lived in Greece. 416 00:14:37,879 --> 00:14:39,355 He didn't. 417 00:14:39,380 --> 00:14:40,426 He said he was in love with me. 418 00:14:40,450 --> 00:14:41,767 So, of course, I bought him a ticket 419 00:14:41,791 --> 00:14:43,129 to come and visit me in Australia. 420 00:14:43,153 --> 00:14:44,541 And then I waited at the airport all day 421 00:14:44,565 --> 00:14:45,987 and he never showed up. 422 00:14:46,245 --> 00:14:48,910 So then I paid a computer person to try and find him. 423 00:14:48,935 --> 00:14:50,991 And it turned out that he was this fat little man 424 00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,698 who sold used phones. 425 00:14:53,645 --> 00:14:57,330 The photographs that I sent him, my God. 426 00:14:57,355 --> 00:15:00,706 Everything, he had seen everything. 427 00:15:01,629 --> 00:15:03,409 What you little shits have done 428 00:15:03,434 --> 00:15:05,339 is just about the worst thing that you can do 429 00:15:05,364 --> 00:15:06,590 to a middle-aged woman. 430 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:07,979 You gave her hope. 431 00:15:08,004 --> 00:15:09,612 You humiliated her. 432 00:15:10,294 --> 00:15:12,642 And you revealed her very sad hobby. 433 00:15:12,667 --> 00:15:14,371 Nicholas has done nothing but run around after you, 434 00:15:14,395 --> 00:15:16,526 and then you just, you threw that right back in his face. 435 00:15:16,550 --> 00:15:18,121 You've cuckolded him. 436 00:15:18,145 --> 00:15:19,831 You've made him look like a complete pansy 437 00:15:19,856 --> 00:15:22,292 in front of the other parents. Like he's your bitch. 438 00:15:22,690 --> 00:15:24,121 Now, here's what needs to happen. 439 00:15:24,145 --> 00:15:26,253 He needs to feed you back to your mother 440 00:15:26,278 --> 00:15:29,554 so that she can tear you apart limb by limb. 441 00:15:29,775 --> 00:15:31,912 And then you get to spend the next three years of your life 442 00:15:31,936 --> 00:15:33,136 sharing a house with a woman 443 00:15:33,161 --> 00:15:35,040 that you sexually shamed. 444 00:15:35,065 --> 00:15:37,425 Seriously? No results? 445 00:15:37,663 --> 00:15:39,987 I'm really, really sorry. 446 00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:41,916 Sorry, Penny. 447 00:15:42,088 --> 00:15:44,120 Sorry. 448 00:15:44,145 --> 00:15:45,951 This is really helping me understand 449 00:15:45,975 --> 00:15:47,331 why you are the way you are. 450 00:15:47,356 --> 00:15:50,018 Yeah. Yeah, I kept trying to tell you. 451 00:16:00,588 --> 00:16:01,862 What? What are you doing? 452 00:16:01,887 --> 00:16:04,573 We can't have sex with all these people in the house. 453 00:16:04,722 --> 00:16:06,788 Why? It's not like we ever make any noise. 454 00:16:06,813 --> 00:16:08,370 That's not true, sometimes... 455 00:16:08,395 --> 00:16:10,448 Sometimes you mutter apologies. 456 00:16:10,473 --> 00:16:11,736 - Shut up! - [KNOCK ON DOOR] 457 00:16:11,761 --> 00:16:13,143 See my point? 458 00:16:13,540 --> 00:16:15,659 Oh. Um, sorry. 459 00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,320 Nicholas, I need you. 460 00:16:17,345 --> 00:16:19,690 Yeah. Okay. 461 00:16:25,264 --> 00:16:27,972 Matilda fell asleep and I checked her computer. 462 00:16:28,145 --> 00:16:29,440 She got in. 463 00:16:29,465 --> 00:16:30,823 She did what? She got in! 464 00:16:30,848 --> 00:16:32,565 Nicholas, this is worse. This is worse! 465 00:16:32,590 --> 00:16:34,249 This isn't worse. This is amazing! 466 00:16:34,274 --> 00:16:35,729 She can't go! 467 00:16:35,754 --> 00:16:36,871 Why? 468 00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:38,268 Nicholas... 469 00:16:38,293 --> 00:16:40,349 she can't catch a bus alone. 470 00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:42,863 She's been to a city maybe twice? 471 00:16:42,888 --> 00:16:44,995 I-I think twice. 472 00:16:45,536 --> 00:16:47,050 Okay. 473 00:16:48,855 --> 00:16:50,701 But she says she can go. 474 00:16:50,725 --> 00:16:52,870 How can she know she can do this 475 00:16:52,895 --> 00:16:55,237 if she's never seen it? 476 00:16:55,983 --> 00:16:58,987 I think we have to lie to her and tell her she didn't get in. 477 00:16:59,731 --> 00:17:00,962 Oh, we can't do that. 478 00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:03,659 I mean, I'm not doing that. 479 00:17:03,794 --> 00:17:06,729 Well, then, you have to tell her she did get in 480 00:17:06,754 --> 00:17:08,770 but you're not letting her go. 481 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:11,315 I'm certainly not doing that. 482 00:17:12,915 --> 00:17:14,823 She's scared of crowds. 483 00:17:14,944 --> 00:17:18,040 She's scared of crowds in New York. 484 00:17:18,065 --> 00:17:23,581 I am begging you to understand she just can't. 485 00:17:24,606 --> 00:17:26,792 I hear you. I really... 486 00:17:27,402 --> 00:17:29,651 really do, I just... 487 00:17:30,896 --> 00:17:32,673 Look, she didn't used to be able to talk, right? 488 00:17:32,697 --> 00:17:34,411 And everyone said she wasn't gonna be able to talk, 489 00:17:34,435 --> 00:17:37,648 and then she worked hard and Dad worked hard, and... 490 00:17:37,673 --> 00:17:39,206 now she won't shut up. 491 00:17:40,295 --> 00:17:43,369 Any time people have said no to her, she's like... 492 00:17:43,722 --> 00:17:45,618 supersedes their expectations. 493 00:17:45,643 --> 00:17:48,173 I don't wanna be one of those people telling her no. 494 00:17:48,198 --> 00:17:49,411 Just... 495 00:17:49,435 --> 00:17:50,491 [SIGHS] 496 00:17:50,515 --> 00:17:51,911 I can see why you think 497 00:17:51,935 --> 00:17:53,291 that might be a helpful, 498 00:17:53,315 --> 00:17:55,040 thoughtful thing to say, 499 00:17:55,065 --> 00:17:57,911 but it is so, so stupid. 500 00:17:57,935 --> 00:18:00,767 Also it's "exceeds" not "supersedes." 501 00:18:00,792 --> 00:18:02,651 We just don't have a choice. 502 00:18:02,676 --> 00:18:05,261 We just don't have a choice. We have to do this. 503 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,196 If she goes and she fails... 504 00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:10,791 at least she'll have us to come back to. 505 00:18:10,815 --> 00:18:12,698 If we say no to her, then... 506 00:18:12,723 --> 00:18:15,792 she'll hate us and then she will have nothing. 507 00:18:17,076 --> 00:18:18,747 Okay, fine. 508 00:18:18,772 --> 00:18:19,971 Fine. 509 00:18:19,996 --> 00:18:21,284 Do you wanna wrestle? 510 00:18:22,706 --> 00:18:23,743 No. 511 00:18:23,768 --> 00:18:25,001 A little wrestle. 512 00:18:25,026 --> 00:18:27,307 No. Not right now. 513 00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:30,276 Total hysterectomy. 514 00:18:31,065 --> 00:18:32,378 It didn't hurt that much. 515 00:18:32,403 --> 00:18:34,080 Just little snip, snip. [CLICKS TONGUE] 516 00:18:34,105 --> 00:18:35,440 All gone. 517 00:18:36,888 --> 00:18:38,114 [SIGHS DEEPLY] 518 00:18:38,139 --> 00:18:39,139 [SCOFFS] 519 00:18:40,481 --> 00:18:42,330 I didn't expect to have this reaction. 520 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:43,701 You probably think this is quite ridiculous, 521 00:18:43,725 --> 00:18:45,990 that a woman my age, would be shocked to find out 522 00:18:46,015 --> 00:18:47,767 that she can't have more kids. 523 00:18:47,792 --> 00:18:49,161 Sure. 524 00:18:49,185 --> 00:18:51,831 And I won't be telling Malcolm because... 525 00:18:52,073 --> 00:18:53,900 he doesn't know why I'm here. 526 00:18:54,685 --> 00:18:56,174 I think unconsciously men like to think 527 00:18:56,198 --> 00:18:58,911 that you're still fertile, and so I just let him try. 528 00:18:58,935 --> 00:19:00,964 - [LAUGHS] - Oh... 529 00:19:01,225 --> 00:19:02,956 But if I were you... 530 00:19:03,972 --> 00:19:05,464 don't wait. 531 00:19:06,275 --> 00:19:07,661 Have as many kids as you can 532 00:19:07,685 --> 00:19:10,870 with any man that's stupid enough not to wear a condom. 533 00:19:12,225 --> 00:19:13,768 Get the kid. 534 00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:16,525 It's all that matters in the end. 535 00:19:16,550 --> 00:19:18,104 Okay. 536 00:19:18,129 --> 00:19:20,464 Mum, leave the kids alone. 537 00:19:21,815 --> 00:19:24,701 Do we think that's a regular teenage girl thing? 538 00:19:24,725 --> 00:19:26,562 - No. - We don't spoon. 539 00:19:26,587 --> 00:19:27,603 No, we don't. 540 00:19:27,628 --> 00:19:29,990 - Who's spooning? - Mum, I'm saying good night now. 541 00:19:30,015 --> 00:19:31,291 Well, I'll see you at Christmas. 542 00:19:31,315 --> 00:19:32,986 No, I'm gonna see you before then. 543 00:19:33,011 --> 00:19:36,081 - I don't know that. - Okay, bye. Bye-bye. 544 00:19:37,145 --> 00:19:39,501 - This is new. - This is new, isn't it? 545 00:19:39,526 --> 00:19:41,612 That is new, isn't it? 546 00:19:41,637 --> 00:19:43,721 It's new. Yeah. 547 00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:55,589 NICHOLAS: Hey, Larry. 548 00:19:56,373 --> 00:19:57,995 You eat my Sapphire? 549 00:19:58,935 --> 00:20:00,791 Larry, I'm not mad. 550 00:20:00,815 --> 00:20:03,628 I just want you to be honest with me. 551 00:20:04,515 --> 00:20:07,104 Did you eat my Sapphire? 552 00:20:08,634 --> 00:20:10,251 Oh. [CHUCKLES] 553 00:20:10,276 --> 00:20:11,861 I wasn't expecting this. 554 00:20:11,886 --> 00:20:13,970 I didn't prepare anything. 555 00:20:13,995 --> 00:20:15,805 I'm just so surprised. 556 00:20:15,830 --> 00:20:17,450 When I was four, 557 00:20:18,065 --> 00:20:20,196 my beautiful mother passed away. 558 00:20:20,221 --> 00:20:23,009 I was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. 559 00:20:23,034 --> 00:20:24,384 It wasn't easy, 560 00:20:24,409 --> 00:20:26,767 but I worked to overcome this adversity. 561 00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:30,236 When I was 17, my dad, too, passed away. 562 00:20:30,261 --> 00:20:34,158 I got here through sheer will and belief 563 00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:38,261 that hard work will pay off in bountiful rewards. 564 00:20:38,691 --> 00:20:41,314 Nothing in my life has come easily to me. 565 00:20:41,339 --> 00:20:43,451 I'd like to thank Juilliard. 566 00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:46,490 They believed in me when so few did. 567 00:20:46,515 --> 00:20:50,367 Oh. This is heavier than what I was expecting. 568 00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:54,967 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0